Open marriage
336828
226056972
2008-07-16T17:10:40Z
86.157.18.102
/* Notable people in open marriages */
{{Close Relationships}}'''Open marriage''' typically refers to a [[marriage]] in which the partners agree that each may engage in [[adultery|extramarital sexual relationships]], without this being regarded as [[infidelity]]. There are many different [[Open marriage styles|styles of open marriage]], with the partners having varying levels of input on their spouse's activities.
==History of the Term==
The origins of the term ''open marriage'' remain obscure. Researchers in the 1960s used the term open marriage to describe individual freedom in choosing marriage partners.<ref name="Johnson,1960">Johnson, H.M. (1960). Sociology: A Systematic Introduction. New York, NY: Harcourt, Brace and World, Inc.</ref><ref name="Jacobsohn,Matheny,1963">Jacobsohn, P., & Matheny, A.P. (1963). Mate selection in open marriage systems. In K. Ishwaran and J.M. Mogey (Eds.), Family and Marriage (pp. 98-123). Leiden, The Netherlands: E.J. Brill, Publisher.</ref> Closed marriage meant individuals had to marry someone based on social prohibitions and social prescriptions. Open marriage meant individuals could choose to marry someone based on personal preferences.
[[Nena O'Neill]] and [[George O'Neill]] changed the meaning of the term with the 1972 publication of their book ''[[Open Marriage (book)|Open Marriage]]'', which sold over 1.5 million copies. The O'Neills conceived open marriage as one in which each partner has room for personal growth and can develop outside friendships. Most chapters in the book dealt with non-controversial approaches to revitalizing marriage in areas of trust, role flexibility, communication, identity, and equality. Chapter 16, entitled "Love Without Jealousy", devoted 20 pages to the proposition that an open marriage could include some forms of sexuality with other partners. These concepts entered the cultural consciousness and the term "open marriage" became a synonym for sexually non-monogamous marriage, much to the regret of the O'Neills. In the 1977 publication of ''The Marriage Premise'', Nena O'Neill advocated sexual fidelity in the chapter of that name. By then however, the concept of open marriage as sexually non-monogamous marriage had gained a life of its own.
Today, with many committed couples not seeking formal marriage, the term is frequently generalized to '[[open relationship]]' or '[[responsible non-monogamy]]'. The concept of being sexually '''open''' versus '''closed''' is also sometimes applied to triads or other groups larger than two.
==Relationship maintenance==
{{main|Open marriage relationship}}
The impact of open marriage on relationships varies across couples. Some couples report high levels of marital satisfaction and have long-lasting open marriages. Other couples drop out of the open marriage [[lifestyle]] and return to sexual monogamy. These couples may continue to believe open marriage is a valid lifestyle, just not for them. Still other couples experience serious problems and claim open marriage contributed to their divorces. All couples in open marriages may therefore want to pay attention to their relationship maintenance behaviors.
===Ground rules===
Couples involved in open marriages or relationships typically adopt a set of ''ground rules'' to guide their activities.{{Fact|date=May 2008}} Ground rules in relationships allow partners to coordinate their behaviors so they achieve shared goals with fewer conflicts. Some ground rules are universal in the sense they apply to virtually all relationships in a particular culture. Other ground rules apply to specific kinds of relationships, such as friendships or marriages. Still other ground rules are designed to manage romantic rivalry and jealousy. The ground rules adopted by sexually monogamous couples tend to prohibit behaviors that are viewed as acts of infidelity. The ground rules adopted by sexually open couples tend to prohibit behaviors that provoke jealousy. Partners may change the ground rules of their relationships over time.
===Open marriage styles===
{{main|Open marriage styles}}
Couples in open marriages may prefer different kinds of extramarital relationships. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing love and emotional involvement have a polyamorous style of open marriage. Couples who prefer extramarital relationships emphasizing sexual gratification and recreational friendships have a swinging style of open marriage. These distinctions may depend on psychological factors such as sociosexuality and may contribute to the formation of separate [[Polyamory]] and [[Swinging]] communities. Despite their distinctions, however, all open marriages share common issues: the lack of social acceptance, the need to maintain the relationship as a couple, and the need to manage jealous rivalry.
===Jealousy issues===
{{main|Open marriage jealousy}}
Couples in open marriage expose themselves to situations that can potentially provoke jealousy. Most couples in open marriages report experiencing jealousy at some point during their marriage. Ground rules are one way to help manage jealousy in open relationships. However, ground rules may not be sufficient. Couples in open marriages may benefit from a general understanding of jealousy and how to cope with it.
==Open marriage acceptance==
{{main|Open marriage acceptance}}
Surveys show large majorities of people disapprove of extramarital sexual activity. A few studies show people specifically disapprove of open marriages. Critics have put forward moral, medical, and psychological objections to open marriages. The lack of social acceptance places pressure on couples to hide their open marriages from family, friends, and colleagues. This may limit their social support network.
===Legal issues===
The practice of extramarital sex is often illegal in jurisdictions where [[adultery]] is illegal, regardless of whether the partner(s) has given their consent. Open marriage is not the same thing as [[polygamy]], where sexual relationships are kept entirely within the parties to a formally recognized marital arrangement.
==Incidence of open marriage==
{{main|Open marriage incidence}}
The incidence of open marriage is the frequency with which open marriage occurs. Several definitional issues complicate attempts to determine the incidence of open marriage. People sometimes claim to have open marriages when their spouses would not agree. Couples may agree to allow extramarital sex but never actually engage in extramarital sex. Some researchers define open marriages in highly narrow terms. Despite these difficulties, researchers have estimated that between 1.7 percent and 6 percent of married people are involved in open marriages. The incidence of open marriage has remained relatively stable over the last two generations.
===Notable people in open marriages===
<!-- ATTENTION. If you are going to add someone to this list, furnish a credible citation at the same time. Names added to this list without citations will be deleted. -->
*[[Edna St. Vincent Millay]], American poet<ref name="epstein">{{cite book | last = Epstein | first = Daniel Mark | year = 2001 | title = What Lips my Lips Have Kissed: The Loves and Love Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay | location = New York | publisher = Henry Holt | id = ISBN 0-8050-6727-2 }}</ref>
*[[Joseph Goebbels]] Nazi Minister of Propaganda and [[Magda Goebbels]]
*[[Havelock Ellis]], sexologist[http://homepages.primex.co.uk/~lesleyah/lwhnwalk.htm][http://www.askzon.com/advantages/advantage25.html]
*[[Robert Crumb]] and [[Aline Crumb]], cartoonists[http://doctorgreenberg.net/crumb.htm]
*[[Dick Mitchison|Dick]] and [[Naomi Mitchison]][http://heritage.scotsman.com/profiles.cfm?cid=1&id=1928012005][http://www.litencyc.com/php/speople.php?rec=true&UID=3139]
*[[Charles Laughton]] and [[Elsa Lanchester]] [http://www.salon.com/11/departments/listress2.html]
* [[Diego Rivera]] and [[Frida Kahlo]]
* [[Louis Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma|Earl]] and [[Edwina Mountbatten, Countess Mountbatten of Burma|Countess Mountbatten of Burma]]
*[[Margaret Sanger]], founder of [[Planned Parenthood]] [http://www.u-s-history.com/pages/h1676.html][http://www.christianworldviewnetwork.com/article.php/939/David_Nobel]
* [[Ruby Dee]] and [[Ossie Davis]]
* [[Monique Imes]] actress/comedian, and [[Mark Jackson]]
* [[Kurt Weill]] and [[Lotte Lenya]]
* [[Andrei Kirilenko (basketball)|Andrei Kirilenko]], professional basketball player[http://byumedia.com/story.cfm/59290]
* [[Cindy Margolis]], model [http://www.marksfriggin.com/news00/8-14-00.htm]
* [[Roger Stone]], political strategist [http://www.weeklystandard.com/Utilities/printer_preview.asp?idArticle=14278&R=1163A318CF]
* [[Jean-Paul Sartre]] and [[Simone de Beauvoir]] [http://www.tv.com/jean-paulsartre/person/186023/biography.html]
* [[Dolly Parton]], country singer [http://www.andpop.com/article/10424]
* [[Hugh Hefner]] and [[Kimberley Conrad]]
* [[Benjamin Franklin]] [http://www.libchrist.com/swing/began.html]
* Will Smith [[http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/showbiz/a111657/will-smith-i-have-an-open-marriage.html]]
==See also==
* [[Nonmonogamy]]
* [[Infidelity]]
* [[Polyamory]]
* [[Swinging]]
==References==
{{reflist}}
==External links==
*[http://twinoaks.org/members-exmembers/members/paxus/openhand.html A Handbook on Open Relationships]
* [http://www.tangomag.com/2006130/portrait-of-an-open-marriage-2.html A recent article on Open Marriage in Tango Magazine]
*[http://www.polyamorysociety.org/sasha.html Center yourself:balance jealousy and compersion by Sasha Lessin Phd.]
[[Category:Marriage]]
[[Category:Sexual fidelity]]
[[de:Offene Beziehung]]
[[he:נישואים פתוחים]]
[[ja:オープンマリッジ]]
[[pt:Casamento aberto]]
[[ru:Открытый брак]]